The Trouble with True Believers

Have you ever shouted "Jesus Christ!" or "Christ Almighty!" in frustration, anger or pain and received a withering glance from someone followed by a comment like, “Do you think it’s clever to take the Lord’s name in vain?” or “You shouldn’t blaspheme you know?” Such patronizing makes me forget I am at heart a peace-loving person because I want to insert something sharp up their bottoms.

I rage at such sanctimony particularly when I witness the extremes people will go to when their stupid god or prophet is supposedly disrespected. You've only got to read the comments section of Richard Dawkins' web page to realise how sick and perverted Chrisitan evangelists are. And how many people have died or been threatened with death recently for opposing theocratic regimes, drawing cartoons about prophets or writing books on religion?

It’s the automatic reaction to blasphemy that interests me, the indignation, a bit like when you insult someone’s favourite music. Firstly, the True Believer assumes the moral high ground and feels compelled to instruct me in the correct way to behave in Christian society. The pomposity in this needs no explaining.

Secondly, they live under the misapprehension that I care a damn what they think.

Thirdly and most importantly, their assumptions lead to a massive failure in logic. Those who know me know that I’m an atheist. Those who believe in God may see blasphemy as wrong - and there’s no problem there. The failure in logic is that, when they talk to me, they must know that to me blasphemy is meaningless. If there is no God, then how can there be blasphemy?

Only a believer can blaspheme, do you see? For the True Believer God exists, therefore uttering the Creator’s name without due care and attention is irreverent, even sinful. But the TB has to learn to stick to his or her own kind. If one of their religious cronies habitually walks around saying, “Jesus effing Christ, I’ve lost my keys!”, then by all means come down on them like a ton of bricks. But for Christ’s sake leave us poor miserable doomed atheists alone.

I can’t help but be put in mind of the scene in ‘A Life of Brian’ where the condemned man is to be stoned to death purely because he claimed that the piece of halibut that his wife had given him for his tea was “good enough for Jehovah.” He of course was a believer, ergo a blasphemer; so his summary execution was entirely justified under the laws at the time.

So to all you atheists, agnostics and deists everywhere, don’t apologise for using ‘blasphemous’ words in your everyday speech. By all means be polite in your response if someone rebukes you for taking the Lord’s name in vain; explain to them that you don’t believe in their mythology. But if they want a debate about it, then I think you’re entirely justified in ramming a chair leg up their bum!

The Gob