I was sitting having lunch at my mother’s house the other day when I glanced at the blurb on the back of a bottle of a popular brand of cranberry juice. It talked about the light, refreshing tartness of the berries, and how it differed from the heaviness of most other fruit drinks. Nothing earth-shattering there.
However it went on to claim that it ‘cleanses and purifies the body’. My immediate response to that was, “What a load of bullshit!” My 22 year-old nephew who, bless him, always wants to join in a conversation, retorted, “Yeah, it does!” I said, “Does what?” He said, “Help your system.” I said, “In what way does it help your system?”, and he said rather lamely, “Well, you know (I didn’t), it helps with your insides”. I groaned loudly, indicating clearly to him that I thought he was talking crap.
Now, readers of this blog know nothing about my nephew; and why should you? He’s a pleasant young chap, if somewhat naïve and strange in habit, and like most heterosexual young men, has posters of near-naked nymphettes all over his bedroom wall. He goes out with friends, drinks alcohol, and as far as I know doesn’t do drugs. All quite normal.
Trouble is, he’s a member of the Y-Generation, that population of Western youth who for the most part, were born lacking important genes – those that confer common sense to their owners. Young people can navigate their way around a PC as though it were the inside of their parents' fridge; they are sexually more 'experienced' than our generation were at the same age; and they don’t seem to carry the racial or homophobic baggage that made previous generations seem mediaeval in outlook.
But Christ Almighty, today’s kids are so thick! They soak up everything they’re told by the media, and believe it – I think that’s what comes of being born into a mass media world. The Y-Generation seem congenitally incapable of thinking without the aid of a lifeline to the internet.
Before I’m accused of being a Luddite, let me say that I love the world wide web. It has opened up to me a world of information previously only dreamt of in my philosophy. No longer do I have to lie awake at night wondering “who wrote such and such?” or “who invented the thingummyjig?” or “who starred in this or that movie?”. All I have to do is jump out of bed, type what I want to know on Google, and the genie pops out of the bottle. It’s fantastic!
However, there is an important difference between the way Baby Boomers use the web and the way Generation Y do. Whereas we grew up in an era where information-gathering was an active pursuit involving some critical thinking and decision-making, nowadays no such effort seems necessary.
If our generation wanted to know something, we had to pick up a newspaper, go to a library, or engage in discussion with another human being. The effort required in gaining this knowledge imbued us with a sense of empowerment, and it allowed us to make decisions based upon what we had learned.
As useful as the internet is, it can be as much a force for evil as for good. For every web site with sound information, there is another that misinforms. For all the web sites that can genuinely improve our lives, there are as many trashy celebrity sites making youth think that slim and beautiful is the norm. For all those with important health advice, there are as many offering homeopathy as a cure for all ills or lemon de-toxing to cleanse and purify the body.
Is it any wonder our youth are witless, unfit and misinformed? They live in a world of fake cure-alls and pulp-fiction lifestyles.
If you’re middle-aged like me and worried that your dotage is in the hands of a world inhabited by teenage mutants, fear not - all is not lost. I believe the one dim candlelight in this cavern of gloom is the thought that cream always floats to the top. The really smart youth are the ones who will run the world, not the morons. While we like to think of those who run our lives - politicians and corporate demi-gods - as vain, self-seeking megalomaniacs (and of course that's true), they are for the most part intelligent, educated, discerning and capable. They are the ones who filter information rather than uncritically suck it all in.
The great unwashed of today’s youth will continue to live in their celebrity-obsessed little worlds, reading horoscopes and believing that a de-tox diet will cure everything from cancer to carbon emissions. They are of course free to believe that cranberry juice will cleanse the body of toxins; so long as they leave the smart people alone to run the world. While the smart people may not have all the answers; while they may have their own agenda and their own misguided beliefs; at least they are a slightly better bet than the vast majority of brain-dead zombies that make up today's youth.
I say only this to Generation Y - leave the important decisions to those precious few amongst you who can distinguish fact from fantasy - they are the only ones who can ensure the future of human society; and make us old farts slightly less panicky about our declining years.
The Gob
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
What's Wrong With Modern Parents?
Going out for dinner has always been a very enjoyable experience for me. Meeting friends at a restaurant or being invited round for a convivial dinner must rank in my top five of life’s great pleasures.
What has this to do with modern parents I hear you ask? Well, I’m coming to that. My partner and I are a childless couple – by choice. Most of our friends are childless couples. And that’s just the way we like it. When eating with friends, there are fewer complications if there are no children around. No special menus, no extra seating, no tantrums and no restriction on ‘adult talk’. It means that we as childless couples can enjoy a meal totally selfishly, without the worry of having to make allowances for the ‘little ones’.
This social arrangement works perfectly well until – one of those couples decides to have – a baby! Initially everyone is congratulatory about the new arrival – I mean it’s expected isn’t it? The female friends start exhibiting natural brooding behaviours; they coo and carry on at the baby, commenting on which parent it most takes after. That’s all very understandable and natural (if a little nauseating). After all, special hormones kick in when offspring are born; they bond mother with child and seem to spread to any females within range like a wild brush fire. The males are somewhat less effusive, preferring instead just to 'wet the baby’s head'.
Once the novelty of having a baby wears off, the new parents discover that socialising with the old gang becomes a little less frequent. After all there are increasing domestic costs, sleepless nights, and feelings of inertia brought on by the wearisome task that is child-rearing.
Now, wouldn't it be great if a new social order emerged, whereby new parents relinquished their seats at the restaurant table in favour of new childless members? That's what should happen. So why doesn't it? Well for some reason (and it has to be said that this is a relatively modern phenomenon), something odd happens to new parents. It’s as though the part of their brain that’s important for good socialisation atrophies and dies.
The new parents re-instal themselves into the childless group, bringing their kids with them! I don’t understand this at all. I’ve never once heard parents ask if it’s OK to bring their brats along to dinner; they just assume that everyone will embrace this incursion with enthusiasm. And I’ve yet to meet a childless couple who (when seriously pressed) are overjoyed at the prospect of having their evening ruined by a petulant pre-schooler. Very rarely will a child sit quietly at a table and not cause any trouble. Those that do are the exceptions; and let’s face it, when it gets close to bedtime, even a well-behaved kid starts being tetchy and troublesome.
Why can’t parents these days recognise the fact that children need a lot of sleep and need to be tucked up in bed early in order to rest from their daily adventures? Keeping a five-year old up until midnight is almost child abuse!
Now at this point I can sense the indignant braying of parents reading this, and I anticipate the inevitably dismissive statements like, “You’ve never had kids so you don’t know what it’s like!”
Well, boo sucks to you. You see I do know what it’s like because I have brought up two kids. Admittedly they weren’t biologically mine; but considering I dandled them on my knee, read them bedtime stories, tended their grazed knees, saw them off at their first days at school, and endured their weekly junior soccer and netball games, I believe I’m as qualified as any to comment on child rearing.
However, unlike 95% of modern parents who inflict their offspring on others, I understood the importance of adult time and child time. The only occasions my kids mixed it with the grown-ups was when an invitation would be made encouraging them to come along. Mind you, those invitations were rare and almost always made by people who already had kids.
When they were little, my kids knew that after dinner it was time to take a bath, and then it was time for bed. They didn’t always like it, but since when did the objections of a child mean that a parent had to cave in at the first groans of “Can I stay up and watch TV?”
Returning to the point about children and late nights, yesterday was a case in point. My partner and I were enjoying the Australia Day celebrations at the riverside home of friends. The day was enjoyable, there was lots of great food and wine, boat rides; I even had a go at crabbing on the estuary. A couple in their early forties were invited along with their three children, two girls and a boy, all under nine. The couple were educated, interesting and very pleasant company. They were both engineers, and I got on particularly well with the husband who shared my interest in Monty Python.
Most of the day the children were no trouble, although it has to be said they were the type of kids who are allowed to express themselves in whatever way they like, with only the most gentle chiding if they did anything silly or risky. You know the kind of thing - children whose parents have a hippy mentality to child-rearing.
The day was a long one and dinner wasn’t served till about 8:30, by which time the kids were becoming fidgety. All would have been well except for something that made me incandescent with rage. The crabs we’d caught had been cooked and placed on a big platter on the communal table well before everyone sat down for dinner. The hosts and the guests were off doing various things – cooking, showering, dressing for dinner. I was one of a few people sitting near the table enjoying a drink.
At the table were the boy, his mother and my partner's mum – the women talking animatedly about nothing in particular.
The boy, being bored and tired, thought it would be fun to start playing war games with the crabs, pulling legs off and generally mauling the poor crustaceans with fingers that quite possibly had recently been probing a nasal cavity - or worse. This all happened under the mother’s nose, and apparently with her complete approval! I didn’t know who I wanted to slap more – the child or the mother!
I have my own theory about why modern parents behave as they do. I have no doubt that double-income parents spend less time with their kids than they feel they ought to. This results in a culture of compensating, by including the children in every social function the parents attend. Single-parent families behave in similar fashion – but I can sympathise more with them. Not only do they have to compensate for going out and making a living, they have the added burden of compensating for the absence of the other parent – usually the father. Single parents, you’re not entirely to blame, but that doesn't let you off the hook. And it still doesn't entitle you to inflict your kids on us.
Also compensatory gestures are a good way of assuaging the guilt parents feel that somehow they aren’t doing enough 'parenting'. I have a solution for this, but it can wait for another rant. Here’s a clue though – I won’t make many friends with 'working mums' of double-income families whom I believe should be at home raising their kids!
Finally, a plea! Parents of young children – if you are going to choose to be parents, accept the price of parenthood! My parents made sacrifices to bring me up, why can’t you? Today’s youth culture of instant gratification shouldn’t apply to you; being with your kids should be gratification enough. And it certainly shouldn’t be others who suffer as a result of your selfishness.
Successful parenting in my opinion is about consistency. Kids like routine. Though they don’t know it, they even thrive on discipline (as long as that discipline is fair and not heavy-handed). Spend quality time with the kids, put them to bed early, and stop making excuses that life’s too hectic, work’s too busy and the mortgage won’t be paid unless both of you work. If you will buy a house you can’t afford and max your credit card out with plasma TVs and compensatory toys for the children, then you don’t deserve to be a parent. You don’t even deserve to own a dog!
The Gob
What has this to do with modern parents I hear you ask? Well, I’m coming to that. My partner and I are a childless couple – by choice. Most of our friends are childless couples. And that’s just the way we like it. When eating with friends, there are fewer complications if there are no children around. No special menus, no extra seating, no tantrums and no restriction on ‘adult talk’. It means that we as childless couples can enjoy a meal totally selfishly, without the worry of having to make allowances for the ‘little ones’.
This social arrangement works perfectly well until – one of those couples decides to have – a baby! Initially everyone is congratulatory about the new arrival – I mean it’s expected isn’t it? The female friends start exhibiting natural brooding behaviours; they coo and carry on at the baby, commenting on which parent it most takes after. That’s all very understandable and natural (if a little nauseating). After all, special hormones kick in when offspring are born; they bond mother with child and seem to spread to any females within range like a wild brush fire. The males are somewhat less effusive, preferring instead just to 'wet the baby’s head'.
Once the novelty of having a baby wears off, the new parents discover that socialising with the old gang becomes a little less frequent. After all there are increasing domestic costs, sleepless nights, and feelings of inertia brought on by the wearisome task that is child-rearing.
Now, wouldn't it be great if a new social order emerged, whereby new parents relinquished their seats at the restaurant table in favour of new childless members? That's what should happen. So why doesn't it? Well for some reason (and it has to be said that this is a relatively modern phenomenon), something odd happens to new parents. It’s as though the part of their brain that’s important for good socialisation atrophies and dies.
The new parents re-instal themselves into the childless group, bringing their kids with them! I don’t understand this at all. I’ve never once heard parents ask if it’s OK to bring their brats along to dinner; they just assume that everyone will embrace this incursion with enthusiasm. And I’ve yet to meet a childless couple who (when seriously pressed) are overjoyed at the prospect of having their evening ruined by a petulant pre-schooler. Very rarely will a child sit quietly at a table and not cause any trouble. Those that do are the exceptions; and let’s face it, when it gets close to bedtime, even a well-behaved kid starts being tetchy and troublesome.
Why can’t parents these days recognise the fact that children need a lot of sleep and need to be tucked up in bed early in order to rest from their daily adventures? Keeping a five-year old up until midnight is almost child abuse!
Now at this point I can sense the indignant braying of parents reading this, and I anticipate the inevitably dismissive statements like, “You’ve never had kids so you don’t know what it’s like!”
Well, boo sucks to you. You see I do know what it’s like because I have brought up two kids. Admittedly they weren’t biologically mine; but considering I dandled them on my knee, read them bedtime stories, tended their grazed knees, saw them off at their first days at school, and endured their weekly junior soccer and netball games, I believe I’m as qualified as any to comment on child rearing.
However, unlike 95% of modern parents who inflict their offspring on others, I understood the importance of adult time and child time. The only occasions my kids mixed it with the grown-ups was when an invitation would be made encouraging them to come along. Mind you, those invitations were rare and almost always made by people who already had kids.
When they were little, my kids knew that after dinner it was time to take a bath, and then it was time for bed. They didn’t always like it, but since when did the objections of a child mean that a parent had to cave in at the first groans of “Can I stay up and watch TV?”
Returning to the point about children and late nights, yesterday was a case in point. My partner and I were enjoying the Australia Day celebrations at the riverside home of friends. The day was enjoyable, there was lots of great food and wine, boat rides; I even had a go at crabbing on the estuary. A couple in their early forties were invited along with their three children, two girls and a boy, all under nine. The couple were educated, interesting and very pleasant company. They were both engineers, and I got on particularly well with the husband who shared my interest in Monty Python.
Most of the day the children were no trouble, although it has to be said they were the type of kids who are allowed to express themselves in whatever way they like, with only the most gentle chiding if they did anything silly or risky. You know the kind of thing - children whose parents have a hippy mentality to child-rearing.
The day was a long one and dinner wasn’t served till about 8:30, by which time the kids were becoming fidgety. All would have been well except for something that made me incandescent with rage. The crabs we’d caught had been cooked and placed on a big platter on the communal table well before everyone sat down for dinner. The hosts and the guests were off doing various things – cooking, showering, dressing for dinner. I was one of a few people sitting near the table enjoying a drink.
At the table were the boy, his mother and my partner's mum – the women talking animatedly about nothing in particular.
The boy, being bored and tired, thought it would be fun to start playing war games with the crabs, pulling legs off and generally mauling the poor crustaceans with fingers that quite possibly had recently been probing a nasal cavity - or worse. This all happened under the mother’s nose, and apparently with her complete approval! I didn’t know who I wanted to slap more – the child or the mother!
I have my own theory about why modern parents behave as they do. I have no doubt that double-income parents spend less time with their kids than they feel they ought to. This results in a culture of compensating, by including the children in every social function the parents attend. Single-parent families behave in similar fashion – but I can sympathise more with them. Not only do they have to compensate for going out and making a living, they have the added burden of compensating for the absence of the other parent – usually the father. Single parents, you’re not entirely to blame, but that doesn't let you off the hook. And it still doesn't entitle you to inflict your kids on us.
Also compensatory gestures are a good way of assuaging the guilt parents feel that somehow they aren’t doing enough 'parenting'. I have a solution for this, but it can wait for another rant. Here’s a clue though – I won’t make many friends with 'working mums' of double-income families whom I believe should be at home raising their kids!
Finally, a plea! Parents of young children – if you are going to choose to be parents, accept the price of parenthood! My parents made sacrifices to bring me up, why can’t you? Today’s youth culture of instant gratification shouldn’t apply to you; being with your kids should be gratification enough. And it certainly shouldn’t be others who suffer as a result of your selfishness.
Successful parenting in my opinion is about consistency. Kids like routine. Though they don’t know it, they even thrive on discipline (as long as that discipline is fair and not heavy-handed). Spend quality time with the kids, put them to bed early, and stop making excuses that life’s too hectic, work’s too busy and the mortgage won’t be paid unless both of you work. If you will buy a house you can’t afford and max your credit card out with plasma TVs and compensatory toys for the children, then you don’t deserve to be a parent. You don’t even deserve to own a dog!
The Gob
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